“Love isn’t safe. And whoever you love will hurt you. It’s part of the human experience. No-one is perfect … people make mistakes. The secret is to focus on what they do right and decide what quirks you can live with.”—Kristin Billerbeck (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
The erotic functions for me in several ways, and the first is in providing the power which comes from sharing deeply any pursuit with another person. The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared between them, and lessens the threat of their difference.
Another important way in which the erotic connection functions is the open and fearless underlining of my capacity for joy, in the way my body stretches to music and opens into response, harkening to its deepest rhythms so every level upon which I sense also opens to the erotically satisfying experience whether it is dancing, building a bookcase, writing a poem, or examining an idea.
That self-connection shared is a measure of the joy which I know myself to be capable of feeling, a reminder of my capacity for feeling. And that deep and irreplaceable knowledge of my capacity for joy comes to demand from all of my life that it be lived within the knowledge that such satisfaction is possible, and does not have to be called marriage, nor god, nor an afterlife.
”—The Uses of the Erotic - Audre Lorde (via vvirtuous)
i’m so sick of the ‘those black women had a choice to dance for miley cyrus” “those black women had a choice to dance in lily allen’s video” A CHOICE BETWEEN WHAT AND WHAT? ARE YOU EVEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE SAYING? You don’t have any fucking clue what kind of choice they had…
“Don’t tell thin women to eat a cheeseburger. Don’t tell fat women to put down the fork. Don’t tell underweight men to bulk up. Don’t tell women with facial hair to wax, don’t tell uncircumcised men they’re gross, don’t tell muscular women to go easy on the dead-lift, don’t tell dark-skinned women to bleach their vaginas, don’t tell black women to relax their hair, don’t tell flat-chested women to get breast implants, don’t tell “apple-shaped” women what’s “flattering,” don’t tell mothers to hide their stretch marks, and don’t tell people whose toes you don’t approve of not to wear flip-flops. And so on, etc, etc, in every iteration until the mountains crumble to the sea. Basically, just go ahead and CEASE telling other human beings what they “should” and “shouldn’t” do with their bodies unless a) you are their doctor, or b) SOMEBODY GODDAMN ASKED YOU.”—
“For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.”…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation”—
Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. — “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog” (via verthandi)
The idea that “all you have is yourself (and you can make it alone)” seems like a peculiarly abled fantasy to me-that is, it’s untrue for EVERYONE, but abled people’s reliance on others is normalized to the point of invisibility, such that they can relatively easily believe it isn’t there. All forms of social privilege contribute to this, I know, such that the belief is most common among cis White men, but it seems like the experience of navigating a world the physical interface of which is generally assumed to be adequate but which does not accommodate you sheds light on the lie especially quickly.
“Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability… nothing deepens intimacy like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing to share in the scary stuff.”—Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt
I see a lot of ‘black don’t crack posts’ and consequently I hear/read far too many black women making self deprecating jokes like they did blackness wrong. Can I just take a moment to remind you that these celebrities spend a lot, A LOT of time and money on looking as young…